My Memory Thankfully Fails Me
I used to know you
and I thought at a time if I ever said that statement it would be followed by a sad sigh or bitter tone
But it's not
'Cause see, I used to know your smile, and the quickest way to make it appear
How to push your buttons and force you to elevate your voice; as if I couldn't hear
I used to know your wit- oh it was dope ass wit-
And the way you'd make a joke and the corner of your smile would peek out to see if I got it
I always got it.
I used to know your scent, the effortless and demanding fragrance that danced around my nostrils
whenever you were in my presence
I would go days, weeks and smell you on my skin- almost as if God played a cruel joke and had embedded the very essence of you in me.
I used to know your ways,
How you could be so passionate about the contents of life,
And so reckless with the pawns you played with along the way.
Never thought I'd be a pawn.
Then again, I never thought I'd write this poem.
I used to know you, the way your hands fit into mine, as if to say:
"Even when it's all said and done I've got you,"
I used to know the texture of your hair,
So wavy and, yet, so rough. Almost like you.
I would lie with your head in my hands, smoothing the fray hairs
hoping it would smooth the fray person you were.
That was then, though.
I used to know your eyes
God, those eyes
The eyes that could make a lie feel like a gift.
The eyes that could make the truth feel like coal
The eyes that could pierce through a soul
a thousand miles a minute
and still make it back in time to ask "What's for dinner"
I used to know your friendship,
The kind of friendship you could lay awake all night discussing all morning with
& could dream aloud with and not feel idiotic for
The kind of friendship sappy movies, with sad endings are made of
I used to know that.
I used to know your heart
-Or maybe I never really did
But for the sake of the argument, let's say I knew it-
I used to know your heart, and all of its worries
and everything you used to bury
I used to know your heart, when it was me.
But, that was then.
I used to know the way you'd wrap your arms around me and pull me closer into your being
almost as if you were suffocated without my skin touching yours
I used to know what I daydreamed our future would be
But the future wasn't taking suggestions. And now all that's left is what was.
But, see in all of my past tense thoughts
It's easier for me to not reflect on what I used to know,
so I don't.
And if I see you passing on the street years from now, I'll hug or wave
with a genuine smile on my face
I'll embrace you and take in that smile that once melted my life
Those eyes that read deep into my soul
I'll tilt my head when you make a witty remark and follow it up with my own
I'll inhale and exhale quickly when your familiar smell enters my nose
I'll stare at those hands that once held mine
The body I enveloped time after time
And I'll admire how you've both changed
And stayed the same
I'll wonder if that heart is the same heart that built up and broke down
the essence of who I was
And when we depart and bid each other adieu,
And someone turns to ask me how I know you
I won't skip a beat when replying,
"My Memory Thankfully Fails Me"
'cause it's easier than remembering.